“He looks like his dad”
“She looks like her Mom”
“OMG he has got his dad’s face”and so on…
hahha… Yes, whoever has gone through these so called comparative situation might have a good laugh after reading it. But, those who are still listening to such comments might be experiencing some irritation, unexpressed feelings and what not?
It is so irritating when we hear that everyone around us start saying “your child face is just like your husband” but if anyone by mistake try to say that the baby looks like his/her mother, we could see many raised eyebrows .. !
Isn’t it so funny that a newborn who needs a calm and peaceful environment, love and care, he gets all these sorts of silly things which has no relevance. It actually takes away a mother’s mental peace at that point of time. It might not seem a big issue but even a mother expects that someone would say that the baby has got her smile or eyes or nose. These little issues are ignored with unexpressed frustration which gets piled up gradually with lot of other issues and oozes out once it reaches its limit.
But, let me tell you my dear Mommies, even we should not expect to hear from someone saying baby is like mother. Reason is very simple, a new born baby looks like a newborn. It is not a movie like Suryavansham (father’s and son’s role by Mr Amitabh Bachhan) or other such movies where father’s and son’s faces are same.
Now, again these comparison are evergreen till our baby becomes a father or mother or till we die. So, do we need to be frustrated all the time.
A BIG NO … NO… NO
Just ignore it. Once baby grows try to analyze by yourself which feature he has received from you and your husband. Yes, babies inherit few characteristics which will be visible later like big eyes, green eyes, a dimple or a broad forehead or a big head etc. It is very common. But amidst all these comparison… One thing is very true.. A Newborn looks like a Newborn… 🙂 Let him enjoy his own identity. Let us not trap him in our so called superficial demand of looking alike.
At the end, if you are a new Mom please ignore such conversation. Smile and think that it doesn’t matter how does he look like or resembles with, what matters is his developmental stages and the joy which is going to be unfolded everyday. Those precious time matters where both the parents spend time with the newborn and help each other in baby’s growth day by day, month by month and year after year.
That is the only things matter…. Nothing else matters to spend our energy over.
Let us save our energy and confidence that will help us grow as a mother along with our baby.
Stay Happy. Stay Relevant
Direct Dil Se,
A Mom By Choice.
Why does it happen that when we ladies become pregnant , though we become a new source of happiness in the family, we feel lonely, not supported emotionally or pampered -sometimes or most of the times or all the times.
Yes, it is true that we will have to take care of a growing baby. We are suppose to do all the household works at the same time despite having no mood to do sometimes. We also have to fight with stress or work if I am a working woman. So, why an issue gets into these happy moments and it feels that pregnancy is not a beautiful journey but a forcefully manipulated happy moments.
Yes Mommies, today we will discuss about “Emotional yet Not Supported Emotionally” journey of New Moms.
The first step of motherhood journey starts with an Emotional Connect with the unseen baby which is not even inside the womb. It starts with Emotion and it is for life long. Only the form of Emotion varies at every stage of motherhood.
It is very unfortunate that the near and dear ones fail to understand our mental condition during the journey of motherhood.
When we find out that a small life has started occupying our body space, we smile but no clear feelings to express. A mixed feeling, a fear, a doubt, confidence goes away just because we start judging ourselves as a mother now. If we will be able to carry this for next 9 months carefully, what if something goes wrong, am I good enough to become a Mother? and list goes on…
Now, when we are fighting with such emotions already, there are several suggestions starts coming in all the time. Whether we require or not it keeps coming and coming and it becomes never ending process.
Now, if we complain about it, we become not so caring mother or we will be pointed out our mistakes that might lead to some problem during pregnancy. When we look upto someone who we think can give us some emotional support, they also turn out to be a different person altogether.
It is not that all suggestions are bad or all become our enemy. But, due to lack of constant emotional support everything feels like negative.
The bad news is that women who have gone through the same phases, are also unable to understand. Either they criticize or talk nonsense. But, one cannot expect an emotional support from them too.
So, my question is why, why Emotional Support is so difficult that we donot receive time to time. ?
Yes, we are going to be a mother. It brings a lots of responsibilities towards baby, family and yes, towards ourselves too. This “We” part is forgotten during this journey.
We start getting judged as a Mother by our appearance, habits, the way we represent ourselves and so many. Really, does it even matter to discuss when you say we should be happy and positive all the time so that baby would be safe and happy. No, Not at all.
Now, the question is these things cannot be changed overnight and we, during pregnancy time need peaceful time and space. So, how to manage them and these emotional issues when we are going through a lots of emotional changes and outbursts.
Let us find some solution so that we can avoid it to an extent.
At First, Accept that these things are inevitable, cannot be stopped/avoided completely. Acceptance over ignorance helps a lot in these conditions.
Let us not jump into any kind of arguments because at this point of time we are unaware of our own emotions. Suddenly one argument will take us from being positive and stronger to negative and weaker version of us.
What if we just smile on something someone says even if we donot agree with and it does not make any sense. few examples are, “you look weak that will effect your milk supply later” , “your belly size says that it will a boy/girl”, ” you are so careless but now you cannot because you have to be very careful with baby” and list goes on.
If we hear all these things, at first only one thought comes into our mind, “Whatttttt”
How do they know how strong I might be feeling, how do they know if it is a girl or a boy just by seeing a belly size, how can they judge us as a mother based on my rapport with them.
We might feel irritated, and burning with anger but what if we count till 5, control our anger and try to divert the topic. Yes, divert the topic because what do all they need is gossips. Let them talk on the topic of our choice.
Next solution might be avoiding talking to them directly. If it over phone then we have some control but what if they are staying with us or are frequent visitors. In that case also we can simply say that we need rest after having few hi hellos…. !
many solutions we might find but we know there are unlimited things where we feel helpless and not emotionally supported.
Incase our family members understand, well and good else we donot have to be sad or disappointed.
Now, we need to understand ” We Have Power To Create A Life Within Us”. We are already powerful. We just have to recognize and cherish this super power. Nothing matters infront of our baby. We have to be genuinely happy. We need to feel it that our happiness is for us. If we are happy then we can make others especially baby happy.
Above all, we have to stay happy and confident for our baby. Post pregnancy once the baby is kept in our arm, all our sorrows, struggle and complaints vanish.. It gets converted to joy, happiness and Selfie or groupie time 🙂
I don’t know if I did justice with the topic or not. But I tried to put my best effort to cover all the points which will help new moms who have just started their journey of pregnancy.
Please do read and leave your feedback in the comment section. You can also suggest few topics which are situation based and Moms have to face it.
Let us share our joy and divide or difficulties by sharing it and building a community of new moms so that they will also get helped in some ways.
Have a great Motherhood Journey ahead.
Direct dil se
A Mom By choice.